The extent a man will go for fame…
Local business executive can’t get on a magazine cover to save his life; self-funds publication in order to fulfill life dream.
William Costner, the president of an old-timey saloon chain with 15 locations around the greater Little Rock, Arkansas area, always dreamed of making it big. In his mind, “making it big” meant getting his photo on the cover of a magazine—and maybe even some words about him on the inside.
“I grew up thinking that the pinnacle of personal and professional success was having your picture grace the cover of a magazine,” said Costner, while sitting at his desk in Cowbells and Bootstraps headquarters. “I knew that if I could get my picture on the cover of a magazine, all the terrible things they used to say about me in high school would be finally put to rest.”
But the problem was Bill couldn’t get on the cover of a magazine. You see, Bill hasn’t ever done anything interesting. And they only put interesting people on magazine covers.
When he realized this, Bill was devastated. “I tried and I tried, for years I tried. I pitched story after story about myself, with nothing but disappointment,” he told Original Pickle reporters in a very candid moment. “The editors of every magazine told me I would never make the cover of their publication.”
That was when Bill pulled out his Ace in the Hole—he self-funded a magazine, and put himself on the cover of the inaugural issue. “I’ve been successful in the saloon business,” Bill shared. “The profits of Cowbells and Bootstraps have afforded me a comfortable life. To me, what better way to use that money than to make myself feel better about myself?”
And so It’s All About Me was borne—out of one man’s desperate attempt to reclaim the fame and notoriety he feels was so unfairly missing from his life. The inaugural issue contains articles on hot wings, current trends in attaché case design and a piece that is sure to gain the attention of most Americans: Just What is the Difference Between Football and Fútbol?
“I would be watching ESPN-8 (the ocho) and the announcers would be talking about football. But there were just a bunch of Euro-sissies running around kicking a ball. It was like an elementary school kickball, but with less vivid colors,” said Costner. “So the announcers were obviously confused—and so was I. It turns out that those Euro-dudes call their silly game football. They just spell it different and put one of those dashie-things over the “u.””
I think I can speak for everyone—we’d all like to know what that dashie-thing is doing marring up American football. And we can thank William Costner and It’s All About Me for finally laying the issue to rest.
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January 6th, 2009 at 7:16 am
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